Bored..how about some jokes

A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.
She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”

LMMMMMMMAAOOOOO. Good one (:

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
You are too young to smoke.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?" She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.

Yo momma is so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma is so ugly she turned Medusa into stone.

Yo momma's so fat, when she uses the keyboard she presses every key at once!

Yo momma's so ugly, blind people hate to look at her.

Yo mamma is so fat she walked past the TV and I missed 3 episodes.

Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop.

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on the back of the bus it did a wheelie.

What do a blonde and a door knob have in common? Everybody gets a turn.

last one, goodnight guys.. or good morning or afternoon for some of you :D

Yo momma's so fat, she has more rolls than a bakery.

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Yeah, he pasta way.

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."

Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.

Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

A mother takes her three son’s to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son’s names?
Lady: This boy’s name is Leroy, this other boy’s name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son’s name.
Teacher: Isn’t it confusing having all three boy’s named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it’s time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it’s time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it’s time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it’s time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.


0_0